Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda

From the publisher: Somer’s life is everything she imagined it would be—she’s newly married and has started her career as a physician in San Francisco—until she makes the devastating discovery she never will be able to have children.
The same year in India, a poor mother makes the heartbreaking choice to save her newborn daughter’s life by giving her away. It is a decision that will haunt Kavita for the rest of her life, and cause a ripple effect that travels across the world and back again.
Asha, adopted out of a Mumbai orphanage, is the child that binds the destinies of these two women. We follow both families, invisibly connected until Asha’s journey of self-discovery leads her back to India.
Compulsively readable and deeply touching, Secret Daughter is a story of the unforeseen ways in which our choices and families affect our lives, and the indelible power of love in all its many forms.

It's no secret that I tend to shy away from "International Bestsellers" or books that the masses adore.  It seems that when I read them, I can't seem to share the love.  When I came across this book in the thrift store, it sounded interesting . . . different, and I felt like I should give it a go.

I'm so glad I did.

This is the story of two families that live in two very different parts of the world.  One family in the US, an expat from India and his American wife.  They are doctors, affluent, pretty . . . but infertile.  The other family is a poor family living in a village in India.  They wanted to start a family, but it has to be the right family.  This means having sons.  When this family has a daughter, a mother is faced with a life changing, heartbreaking decision that effects them all.

Tied in this gut wrenching story, the story weaves in the truths of gendercide and feticide.  That is the killing of a child due to its gender, whether it's after birth or while the baby is still in its mother's womb.

The story sucks you in right from the beginning, tugging on your emotions.  It was especially hard for me as a mom, as a mom of a daughter, and someone who believes that every life is precious ad real, even when unborn.

I found myself really in awe at how the author described the American wife.  When I lived back home in the US, I never really noticed it.  But since living in Canada (while there are MANY similarities, it isn't the same), I have started to notice what the author described.  And since I discovered the tv show, House Hunters International, a real estate show that follows families moving and finding homes overseas, I've really noticed it.  Americans, generally women, seem to be such snobs!  The character of Somer, our America mom in the story, really suck with me.  How she was a snob to her husband's family and the different lifestyle of people in India.  Even the denial that her own daughter, her adopted daughter from India, is not like her.  The desires for her daughter, Asha, to find out who she is and where is she from, unsettles Somer.  More so as a mother than as an American woman.

We witness the truths of being a poor family in India.  We witness the truths of what is like to be a woman, a daughter and a wife in India. 

While we follow the lives of these families for over twenty years, we witness the evolvement of the relationships between husbands ad wives, parents and children, death and birth.  The lives of the men in this story was not developed, and I can see that some readers will have some trouble with this.  However, I believe the author did this one purpose.  This is a story about women.  This is a story about mothers.

This is a book that I would highly recommend to all.  It is a fast read, each chapter coming from different characters' points of view.  If you've thought of picking this one up, please do so soon!

To bring more awareness to gendercide, a documentary indicating that "the three deadliest words in the world . . . 'It's A Girl!'."  As I have only viewed the trailer and not the entire documentary, I do have to agree that this a problem worldwide--even in our western first world nations.  I came across this article about a month ago.  Canadian moms, born in India, see more sons born than daughters.  Such a significant amount that it is being noticed.

Title: Secret Daughter
Author: Shilpi Somaya Gowda
Publication Year: 2010
ISBN: 978-0-06-197430-4
Publisher: William Morrow
Source: Personal copy
Rating: 5/5
Recommend? Yes!

Book Review: What A Son Needs From His Dad by Michael A. O'Donnell, PhD

From the publisher:

What Important Role Does a Dad Play in His Son's Life?

He may be a little boy asking you to play catch today. But what about the years to come? Will you continue to be an important influence, helping him realize the potential God has given him?

As a man, you know a lot of what your son will face, and no one is in a better position to prepare him for life. Michael O'Donnell's insights offer simple but powerful techniques to help you start your son on the road to maturity. You can build the father-son bond you want and lead him into a healthy, well-balanced manhood.

What a Son Needs From His Dad will give you proven day-to-day strategies to:
•    instill character and strong spiritual values
•    develop responsible habits toward work and money
•    dialogue about sexuality and prepare him for marriage
•    encourage godly friendships with other boys and men

Be the man you want your son to become and launch a relationship with him that will last a lifetime.

When I became pregnant with my first, I hoped for a boy.  Girls scared me.  I grew up a tomboy with two older brothers.  They, between the two of them, have produced five boys and no girls.  My little knowledge of children comes from my nephews.  They were a lot of fun and enjoyed rough and tough boy things.  I can handle that.  Deep down I knew I was having a girl and it scared me.  (Yes, my first child is a girl.)

My daughter and I seemed to bond instantly and I felt I understood her.  I know how to meet her needs, understood what she wanted and how to comfort her.  She was a very difficult baby in the sense she was high needs (she cried/fussed/screamed literally 24/7 her first month on this earth), but I just knew what she needed.

So when I became pregnant with number two, I was suddenly scared that it would be a boy.  Maybe I didn't understand them as well as I thought I did.  My gut was telling me this one was a boy, which was confirmed  with an ultrasound.  When he was born, I felt like a first time mom all over again.  Turns out the holding and the cuddling his big sister craved wasn't what this little guy wanted.  I remember telling him, both of us in the midst of tears, "I don't know what to do to make you happy."  I couldn't figure him out and it did put a damper on our bonding.  I was so convinced he wasn't too impressed with having me as his mom.

So when Bethany House offered this book, I jumped at it.  Even though I am "mom," and not "dad," I figured it couldn't hurt to gain a bit of insight on boys. (Truly, they are weird creatures.)

Reading this book, it seemed a lot of this is basic, common knowledge of information for child rearing.  Some can be applied to a daughter as well.  However, if we stop and take a look at our society, and understand that a good portion of our chaos is due to parental choices, well, it's easy to conclude that maybe we as parents aren't making the best choices when it comes to raising children.  All choices have consequences.  Some consequences are negative, while some are positive.

O'Donnell emphasizes that fathers have a very important role in their children's lives.  With sons, fathers have to be the role that they want their sons to emulate.  O'Donnell outlines seven core issues that they must live, to help develop them in their sons:

1) develop disciples of Christ
2) good citizens
3) holders of worthy vocations; responsible workers
4) chooser of good friends
5) able to enjoy life
6) sexually chaste; understanding of male sexuality; avoiding the hazards of pornography
7) lovers of their wives; supporters of their marriages

One thing that I loved about this book is that O'Donnell also outlined stages of development in a boy.  These stages begin in birth and end at old age with the knowledge of impending death.  Stage 1 is Trust vs. Mistrust, which is from birth to eighteen months.  A baby learns to trust by having a predictable, nurturing environment.  (All the more reason why I refuse to let my babies 'cry-it-out'--but that's another blog post for another blog.)  This, for me, has confirmed that I was correct in following my instincts with my children despite all the flack I received from other people.

For my secular readers, this is a Christian book with foundations in Christ.  So, in addition of being a dad who is emotionally and physically present to your son, the book goes beyond that.  It teaches dads to instill strong, spiritual, Christ-like character in their sons.  And to do that, you must live what you preach.

As a mom, this really didn't help me to understand my son more.  But maybe it's because I'm female that I don't fully get it.  Maybe there is more there that a dad can connect with, look at his own life, and see what he can do to shape his son's life in a positive way.

This book does not have all the answers.  But I think it's a wonderful place to start for dads looking for direction with their sons.

Title: What a Son Needs from His Dad
Author: Michael A. O'Donnell, PhD
Publication Year: 2011
ISBN: 978-0-7642-0969-7
Publisher: Bethany House
Source: Received from publisher in return for honest review
Rating: 4/5
Recommend? Yes.